Lately my sense of “home” is confusing. I am not yet comfortable here nor do I feel like I totally belong, but the idea of going back to New York sounds even more unappealing, despite how much I miss it. This all leads to me being terribly homesick for Seattle, but then again that also does not feel quite right either. When I close my eyes and I try to picture where I’d feel at home right here, right now, I can’t place it. At night, when it’s just Will and I, drinking wine and humming along to music and going about our evening in perfect harmony, I think this is home, wherever we are. But then I go about my day and that feeling of being out of place again creeps up on me. Sometimes I think about the physical ping that homesickness gives me, and how sometimes I’ll feel that in moments where I’m not sure what exactly I’m missing. It all leads to very deep thoughts about just what home means to me and what it is that I require in a city to live in. I haven’t quite figured that out yet. But I suppose that’s a huge part of the adventure of life, right? It’s a scary thing to think about, but also exciting to feel like you can be in control of your happiness.
What makes you feel at home? I’m making a list for myself, to figure out what I need. I usually field questions to twitter, but 140 characters is not enough for thoughts on home!
ps. this post is random, but I recently decided that my blog is so unbelievably structured sometimes, I thought I’d break out of the box.
photos by me