Comments on: On Home

By: Technicolour Dream Flowers | i heart rachabees: life on the west coast of british columbia and beyond

Wed, 27 Jun 2012 05:35:07 +0000

[...] heart is still on Vancouver Island. Kate at For Me, For You recently posted an excellent musing on the concept of “home” and it was nice to read someone else’s thoughts on a topic that has constantly been on my [...]

By: kay w.

kay w. — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 21:25:21 +0000

this response is so late it’s not even funny.

i relate to this post, so, so much, even more so than i let on to my closest friends. i grew up in nyc and moved to wa (federal way) at the onset of 13 (SUCH an awkward age) and spent 11 years in seattle. all i could think about when i was in washington was how much it didn’t feel like home to me, how anywhere i was meant to be was back on the east coast. i never found ‘it’ for me in washington, even after 11 years, and re-located to california, where i thought either sf or la would fit the ‘big city’ bill i was looking for – it happened to be la as i found a job there first. i spent three and a half really awkward, uncomfortable years in la, struggling between three corporate day jobs i hated (i can say this now) and yearning to do something more creative with my life, a sh*tty love life, and having every single friend be in the entertainment business, also somewhere i did not belong. and again, the entire time thinking i should just be back in nyc.

fast forward now to finally living back in nyc, and there are days when it’s painful for me to admit i might have made a mistake. i love this city at my core, but it’s changed…it’s not what i remember it to be at age 13, and my priorities are vastly different now. i feel slightly ashamed i didn’t “stick” with la a little longer than i wish i had, that i threw in the towel so prematurely. unfortunately, after a $5k move, this isn’t an easy mistake to admit, i’ll probably be in denial for some time. moral of the story, i still don’t know where my home is, and part of me thinks it will never be one, singular place as much as it is a state of mind. there’s some part of me that longs to be back in la or even maybe northern california, and there are definitely days where i miss seattle (never would’ve thought), but i completely relate – that doesn’t feel right, either. i don’t know if this is where i belong, at least, i don’t feel like it yet. coming from your original ‘bits of my weekend’ post, it renders me envious but so happy for you that you found that in la as i never could.

as an aside, sorry that i just gave you the story of my life in a blog comment. maybe when i’ve grown past this someday, i’ll spill the whole thing on my own blog, but for now, it can sort of live here, semi-anonymously.

By: samantha hahn

samantha hahn — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 09:55:43 +0000

oh Kate! I’m feeling the exact same way as you right now…

To me home is:
The person you love and end each day with (with a kiss good night)
The place you can do what you love to do

By: Aron

Aron — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 15:02:28 +0000

I’m not sure I have any answers. But I know what you mean. Ashley and I are always talking about where we should try to build the rest of our lives. Northern California, Southern California, or New York.
The only thing that makes it easier is when we remind ourselves that while we have to choose, it is choosing between several great options.

Aron
http://www.hitherandthither.net
http://www.babymine.net

By: erin / dfm

erin / dfm — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 02:32:21 +0000

I’m late on catching this post, but I’m right there with you, sister. Home is a funny thing. Hang in there and stay as close to Will as you can in the mean time. ;)

By: Hannah

Hannah — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 14:53:57 +0000

I know I’m a little bit late, but I relate to this way too much. I actually just did the opposite – I moved from Los Angeles to New York – and even though it was a life-long dream of mine to move here, I’m still feeling really disconnected from the city. But like you said, even though I miss LA, I don’t want to move back there. When I try to think about what home would mean for me, I think that maybe it would mean finally having my own apartment (I’m living with some family members right now), but I don’t think that’s quite right…I think all I need for a sense of home is the feeling that I actually belong here. I’m not there yet, but I hope it comes along soon.

By: natasha

natasha — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 13:38:51 +0000

buy some local food from the area and sit in the sunshine with some new music playing. if you can find james blake’s cover of joni mitchell’s a case of you i think and hope you’ll begin to love and ‘feel right’ in your new space.

By: celia

celia — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 23:08:21 +0000

geez… how does one even begin to answer such a loaded question? it took almost a year before i felt like oakland was home. it kind of hit me out of nowhere too. joe and i both come from places where we never felt like we belonged (LA and new hampshire). we had always loved visiting this area, so we figured we should give it a shot. if worse came to worse, we could always move somewhere else. if you really think about it, you ALWAYS have that option. we were lucky, because life has been great here. i think the one thing that finally made it feel like home was that i realized how comfortable i am in my skin now. for the first time in my life, i really feel like MYSELF. i’m not trying to prove anything or adjust the person i am for other people. i just go about my life, at my pace, the way i want, and i REALLY enjoy it. we’re happy, genuinely happy, here and it feels amazing. i haven’t settled into the perfect career yet, and besides the two friends i already had up here, i’ve only made a couple more, but none of that stuff bothers me. i don’t know… for me, when you’re HOME, every aspect of your life is rad.

hang in there, you’ll feel it too. even if you one day realize it’s not in LA, you’ll eventually find the home that’s right for you.

xoxoxox

By: carrie

carrie — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 03:59:24 +0000

Having just recently moved to LA from NYC 6 months ago, i can really empathize with what you’re experiencing. I go through waves of comfort, panic, loneliness, excitement, etc, on a weekly basis. There are times when I feel free to reinvent my self and explore and others where I long for the comfort of my hometown, my family and friends. While it is true that home is where you make it, and my husband and son truly are my “home”, I still feel caught between two worlds – neither feeling quite like home right now.

I do believe that it takes time, lots of time, and being open to new experiences and not falling on comparisons. We have the choice to wake up each day and make it what we want it to be. I have to remind myself of this when I feel down. I also found visiting NY helped a lot as well, reminded me that I have not left the planet!

By: k10

k10 — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 03:22:38 +0000

Ah, what a provocative post–I can certainly empathize. How complex “home” can feel…

Funnily enough, I very recently stumbled upon an interview w/ a lovely poet, Robert Kelly: http://home.earthlink.net/~robert.kelly/robertkelly/id10.html. Here’s an excerpt–

“When I lived in Brooklyn … I wanted to be anyplace else. I felt that being born in Brooklyn especially (I lived in a neighborhood where English was hardly spoken), being born in America at all, was being born in exile.”

And, farther in–

“I was trying to find my place to stand, my word to speak. I say I’m ashamed now of having been not just an anglo-phile but an allo-phile, in love with everywhere but here. But I’m not ashamed of what that silly boyhood infatuation with Rome and Westminster was a temporary mark of, a sense of being in exile, a sense that has never left me, a sense that has been often appeased if not cured by the intense here-ness of love, and the lucid nowhere of meditation.”

All the best to you. (Love your sweet blog, btw.)