the c word


Well my friends, the time has come for the truth – that good news we were hoping and praying for did not come our way. Apparently not accepting anything less than that doesn’t change test results, as Will has been diagnosed with cancer. It’s such a loaded word that up until this point we’ve been calling it “the c word”, like cancer is Lord Voldemort and we dare not speak its name. The surgery was to remove a tumor, and now that it’s gone and he’s healing and looks and acts so healthy and normal, my brain is having a hard time comprehending his doctor telling us he needs chemo as soon as humanly possible. The good news is that the kind he has, testicular, is one of the most curable kinds of cancer. (Insert someone telling us about Lance Armstrong for the 9 millionth time here.) He’ll soon start nine weeks of chemo and then hopefully, with a little luck, he’ll be a-ok.

Our emotions are like yo-yos right now. They range from barely being able to function because the sadness and frustration is so heavy, to feeling like this is just a small speed bump in the path of our lives. Today we had an appointment with an amazing oncologist at Cedar Sinai who told us all the good, the bad, and the ugly, but was so kind and willing to figure out treatment with our financial situation that we didn’t leave the hospital in tears like the past few visits. We’ve been so hyper-focused on the financial aspect of how this will effect our lives (um, do you remember the premise of Breaking Bad?) that we hadn’t considered how awful chemotherapy might be for Will or what the future holds for him down the road. That’s pretty damn sad. The fact that people have to stress about how to pay for treatment when they’re stressing about just surviving? Disgusting. But luckily it’s looking good for him to get on Medi-Cal, and if that doesn’t work we’ll be referred to a different doctor at USC (which will make us very sad as we love this doctor, but that’s okay).

Being this honest here was a struggle for me, it’s funny how personal this blog has become in the last year. But you guys helped me out so much with my post about Will’s surgery that I know I owed you an update (and for my vague sad twitter updates, sorry) and that maybe we could use a few internet hugs. So many people that we’ve told so far have been so incredibly supportive and kind that we know we’re not alone with this. Stephanie sent me a great quote from Eleanor Roosevelt that I like to think of lately: “A woman is like a tea bag. You never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water.” I’ve applied the same sentiment to Will and my relationship lately, which only gets stronger the more we need each other lately.

Stay tuned for a little fundraiser that we’re putting together with some of our prints. I barely have a moment to spare with work right now, but thought I’d do something simple because so many people have asked how they can help and prints I can handle.

And as if this isn’t already obvious, I hope that if you’ve emailed me recently or email me in the coming weeks, you’ll forgive me if it takes me a while to write you back for obvious reasons. But know that I really appreciate so many of you checking in on us. And regular posting will continue through all of this as I don’t know what I’d do without the internet right now. You gotta keep your head up and just chug along, not letting it destroy you.