This is not going to be a post about wedding stuff, but I included some things from my inspiration board for eye candy and for those who keep hounding me for such things, since my inspiration board is online private. Credits at the bottom of this very long post.
This weekend Will asked me, “do you still have a blog?” and he was totally serious. It’s a topic that causes a bit of pain in my stomach and heart because I feel almost paralyzed about what to do with this blog lately as I open up a page for a new post and feel no inspiration on what to write whatsoever. It’s gone so far that it feels awkward to just suddenly start again, but as Will said to me: “you just have to go back to your roots, just start, just do it before it’s too late.” And he’s right. It’s like when you’re creatively blocked and you just have to make something, anything, to get the juices flowing. I can question why I even blog in the first place to death, but after reading Lauren’s amazing post about needing a witness to our art and making connections, I feel energized and inspired. So here I am, I want to try to connection again to something that brought so many good things into my life before I lose it all.
I would like to start on a topic that I’ve written roughly five drafts on but never hit publish on: the wedding. I’m glad that I didn’t hit publish previously because up until about a month ago, I was in a bad place with planning. I hated it, I dreaded it, I was so unmotivated I’m sure I gave off the vibe to others that I didn’t want to get married. But that wasn’t it, I was just suddenly terrified that maybe I didn’t want a wedding, but to just be married. Just as I had to do a lot of soul searching to decide if I was ready to get married again (long time readers, holler?), I had to do a lot of soul searching to decide if a wedding was what I wanted as well. But guess what? Contrary to what many wedding blogs may make you believe, it’s not all the bride’s decision, it’s not just her day. And I’m not just talking about the groom here, I’m talking about your family, and what you want all of your guests to be a part of. Our families are so important to us that there can only be a certain amount of “this is what we’re doing, deal with it.”
So I soul searched. I did a lot of eyes-closed imagining of what would happen that day to make me happy. I made plans, I hired vendors. I got excel spreadsheet happy and made a budget that will win awards. I decided what wasn’t worth a dime and what would make me feel more sane to throw money at (biggest tip I learned from A Practical Wedding). I learned to shed guilt and most of all, I learned through reading stories of other weddings that our day will not be a display of wealth and glitter, but as saccharine as it sounds (you have to get so used to that when planning a wedding) – our day will be a day for our friends and family to witness us promising and declaring our commitment to each other. To welcome each other into our families. To celebrate not only the present and future, but the past hardship and magic that got us to that very moment. And to thank all the people in the room that day for being a part of that journey.
So, I have arrived on the other side of soul searching and now I am excited. I relish in the planning lately because I’ve come to realize to my amazement this past year that I am really into planning things and that Will is (and has always been) a good counter to my crazy ideas that need to be roped in. Because I cannot stand being bored and like a DIY challenge, I am happily elbow deep in felt and Martha Stewart hole punches. I’ve learned how even more awesome my helpful friends and family are. I still have some anxiety over our itty bitty budget and how exactly this whole camp on an off the grid mountain will go, and there are still moments of tears and yelling and totally non-understanding family members, but it’s a challenge I am much more accepting of than a few months ago.
*Pinterest link I found didn’t include a direct link, sorry!