Worth It

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset
Andrea handed this to me when I first saw her on the mountain because she is a gem and a lady. Mantra. FNL forever.

I don’t have any professional photos to show you yet, obviously, but I wanted to put words down while the emotion was still fresh and bubbling at the surface of my heart. I learned something about weddings that hadn’t really shown itself to me until the day before. You see, while stressfully planning, I may have uttered the words “regret” once or twice at this whole having it at a camp and not making it tiny and intimate. That maybe maybe eloping would have been a wiser choice. But Will quickly got the anger fire in his eyes and told me to STFU and suffocate that emotion because there was no going back, baby. He promised me I would not regret this in the end. This is what we personally would want to do. But then emotions ran so high and people had to share opinions with me that didn’t need to be shared that made wedding guilt wash over me in a sickening way. I felt terrible that people have to spend money to fly down here and donate their time to help me – and I wondered (aka laid in bed hyperventilating) if people would even help. I obsessively thought about where I ranked with my family and friends on worthiness of their help. Excel sheets and careful lists kept me sane about all the little details, but there is no way to chart emotions in a way that makes you feel better.

Family and friends arrived on Thursday and Friday and that’s when the words “what can we do?” started rolling out. And by the time we were done setting up at the camp on Saturday an hour early and I scanned my eyes across the lodge to see everything I’d put six months of blood, sweat, and tears into set up perfectly and done without complaint by the people I love, I got it. Down on my hands and knees with my aunt and best friend putting flowers in 140 jars, listening to my mom and brother practice the song for the millionth time they were going to play during our ceremony, and watching cousins I used to have fake weddings with in the cul-de-sac we grew up on solve problems and smooth out details without even being asked – I. Got. It. This was DIT (do it together) at it’s finest and I cried so hard watching all that love pour out to help us I could hardly breathe. Seeing my oldest closest friend become instant friends with my newest closest friend while we put fake eyelashes on each other and collectively solve an arm pit shaving crisis 10 seconds before photos (true story – don’t forget that detail, ladies), I knew I wouldn’t have traded all the stress for anything because this was such a pivotal moment of bonding and love where everyone pitched in and made magic happen. I’m sure that isn’t how it works for everyone, and for that I feel so damn lucky. There were a few key puzzle pieces that could have caused disaster and caused me to feel the need to do it all differently. But for us, this was perfect, and we couldn’t have asked for a better weekend with better people – ever.

I’ll save all the us details for when I have photos to share, because that’s a whole other rambling blog post of sap.